Notes from two readings of "The Happiness Equation", by Neil Pasricha.
Happiness leads to success and growth, not the other way round.
We’re evolved to be unhappy.
7 Top Ways to Be Happy Now,
1, 3 times brisk walks a week, 30 mins;
2, write about 1 beautiful moment for 20 mins;
3, random acts of kindness, 1 a day;
4, digital disconnection daily;
5, groove in flow for its own sake;
6, daily small meditations;
7, 5 gratitudes a day.
All criticism dies on the lips of the critic when you do it for yourself.
When you do it for others you do a poor job.
Your job is to do. Their job is to judge.
Their job is not your job. Your job is not theirs.
Critiquing others creates an opening in your heart for malice, and stops you from creating. Root issue of criticism is lack of self-confidence. Self-confidence is having a high opinion of yourself and a high opinion of others. A low opinion of yourself or others leads to arrogance or insecurity, while a low opinion of everyone leads to cynicism, so only a high opinion of everyone leads to true confidence.
Hiding, avoiding, apologising is self-judgment. Make judgment their mistake, not my failing. I have no responsibility to live up to what other people thing I ought to be.
Laugh at others judgments. Laugh at what you hide, avoid and apologise for.
Compete only with yourself: triumph or disaster is an impostor, in the context of life. You will have more highs and lows no matter what happens now.
There are three kinds of success - social success, sales success, and self success. Each of the three senses of success tend to block one another. External rewards cover intrinsic motivators and limit risk taking. Its not the critic that counts but the man in the arena. Be in the arena. I don’t stand back and judge, I do and let others judge.
Criticism can’t touch you if you do it for yourself.
YOU ARE A WINNER NOW. Celebrate that. Average world income is 5000 dollars, so higher than that puts you in the richest 50%. More than 50,000 dollars puts you in the half a percent richest. Do you need more than 99.5% of people alive. Living today in the West puts you among the richest people who have ever lived. You are a lottery winner, and lottery winners often destroy their lives through failing to appreciate their success.
On Work.
The best part of life is to be active without haste on something worth doing
Consider dogs. Some dogs work. Some dogs don’t work. Working dogs are happy. The non working dogs are tearing up the sofa and neurotically barking. Which kind of dog do you want to be?
Martha Sherrill: “I often think about dogs when I think about work and retirement. There are many breeds of dog that just need to be working, and useful, or have a job of some kind, in order to be happy. Otherwise they are neurotically barking, scratching, or tearing up the sofa. A working dog needs to work. And I am a working dog.”
Have an ikigai card, a written purpose in getting up, by your bed. Change as needed. Definite major purpose. If you don’t know where you’re going any way to go is good.
When you’re through changing, you’re through.
Work and the 4 Ss, Social, Structure, Stimulation, and Story. What kind of work would give you those for?
Decision Fatigue.
Decision making stops deep thinking.
Half our daily decisions are about what to eat, how to exercise, and digital decisions, and all of these decision could be automated.
Eliminate 4/5ths of daily decisions by automating food, exercise, sleep; regulating happiness, recovery, spirituality.
Automate money decisions: Rule 1, save, Rule 2, invest. Rule 3, never break rule 1 and 2.
Remove your brain from the equation of happiness. Automate decisions.
Replace decisions with rules, limits, mental brick walls.
Prioritise thus:
Unimportant and short time value - automate. No decisions.
Unimportant and time-wasting - regulate. Make I decision rule and stick to it. Checking email.
Important and long time value - debate.
Important short time value - just do it, no decisions.
Automate, regulate, effectuate, debate.
Work expands to fill the time allotted it.
Effectiveness is simple. Clarity and strength are simple.
If you can’t say it in 5 minutes, then you can’t say it at all.
The less time to do it, more focused and organised.
To have more time, chop by nine tenths the amount of time to do it in.
Less time means more effort.
Last minute panic, artificially created, creates space after the delivery of the project.
Don’t respond to hot potatoes. If you send an email, it never ends. So end it. Don't send that email.
Block access. Remove all entry points to you. Turn off phone until 5pm. Close the doors. Lock the windows. Leave only the bell on, to respond to your topmost priority.
By closing off access you open your mind. John Cleese on Creativity Management: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb5oIIPO62g
Create a quiet undisturbed space for yourself.
Develop extra space by removing choice, removing access and nurturing spaciousness. Stop and stare every day.
Motivation is backwards. You start doing and confidence and motivation follows. You write a book by making a page of words. You exercise by running out your door. It’s not easier said than done, it’s easier done than said. The Gym Clothes effect is to get as close to doing first, sleep in your gym clothes or have them beside the bed. Spend 30 seconds getting close to doing. Eliminate everything else.
When you take a risk and fail you don’t have to be afraid anymore, and you can try again or do something else. When you don’t take a risk and sit in fear, you can’t try again or learn.
Do leads to Can do leads to Want to do.
Happiness is when you are your authentic self, when what you do, say and are harmonises. 3 best ways to harmonise yourself to authenticity:
Saturday Morning Test.
Bench Test
Five People Test.
What do you do on a Saturday morning when you have nothing else to do? Whatever you answer, brainstorm more opportunities to do THAT. There will be hundreds. Volunteer to do more of THAT. Lean into your natural passion.
The Bench Test. Sit on the bench and listen, watch, and feel. Immerse yourself in the new situation and observe your authentic reaction to it. Variations: the Office Tour for work, the Sidewalk Test for a home, the Treadmill/Shower test for a gym. Immerse yourself in a new situation and observe your reaction to make sure the decision is aligned with your authentic self.
The Five People Test. James Altucher, the Power of Five. You are the average of…
… the five people around you.
… the five things that inspire you
...the five thoughts you think about
… the five things you eat.
… the five acts of kindness.
Book, Christakis, Fowler, Connected: your friend’s friend’s friend effects your decisions on weight, smoking, happiness! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6494620-connected
AVERAGE: you’re in the middle: average the happiness of the five people; average the leadership skills of the five people; average the confidence, the recovery quality, the financial success, the emotional stability, the meditative discipline, of the five people you know.
Authenticity removes regrets.
Suppressed feelings create illness. Expressing feelings leads to connection and non-regret.
People despise authenticity because they are so envious of it.
When you don’t share your authentic self, you never know who might love the person you hide.
What percent of the time am I happy and what percent of the time is your partner happy? How often are you happy at the same time, unhappy at the same time, pulling or pushing one another towards or away from happiness? If X is 80% happy and Y is 80% happy then 80X80 is 64% both are happy; 20X20 is 4% both unhappy, and 32% push or pull happiness.
When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice. What we most need to space to consider and actions to restore happiness, the big seven:
Creating space. The 3 Removals hack space, like hacking jungle space. Remove choice, time, and access, and iterate on the 80/20 of all three regularly.
Applying the big seven.
1, 3X brisk walks a week, 30 mins;
2, write about 1 beautiful moment for 20 mins;
3, random acts of kindness, 1 a day;
4, digital disconnection daily;
5, groove in flow for its own sake;
6, daily small meditations;
7, 5 gratitudes a day.
posted by gaiawriter at Monday, August 02, 2021
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